Change is incredibly hard. This is why people come to therapy or their loved ones suggest therapy because they want something to change in their lives or a loved one believes they need to change how they are showing up in this world. If it were easy to change, we would do it and move on; however, change is no simple task.
The purpose of this blog is to explore the nature of change and the complexities around it, and then provide examples and encouragement to you for how to move through the change process. There are many reasons change is difficult, and I am here to encourage you with specific psychoeducation and tools to support you as you navigate these often turbulent waters.
Changing Our Neural Pathways
We as humans are creatures of habit, and we easily get pulled into a rhythm of life, and experience stressors, loss, and hardship along the way. I want to highlight that there are neural pathways in our brain that become more solidified the more we engage in a behavior. One beautiful way to illustrate is by thinking about your drive to work. Most likely you do not spend time thinking about your drive because you have done it hundreds of times. This is an example of a neural pathway in the brain. You most likely will spend more time and energy if you want to change your route to work.
This happens because our behaviors reinforce our thoughts and vice versa. Behavior change is difficult and I believe it is important for us to have self-compassion and to resource ourselves well for the change process.
Types of Motivational Change
Intrinsic motivation is: “I want to change because I want to make a part of myself better,” or “I want to improve the quality of my life”. Extrinsic motivation relies on external reasons; for example: “I am putting forth efforts to change because I want to show up in a healthier way for my loved ones, friends and colleagues.”
Another example of this is first order vs. second order change. First order change is: “I change because a loved one believes I need to change,” and second order change is: “I change because I recognize I have a problem and I need support as I change”. Here at Anchored Counseling Co., we want to support clients towards getting to the place of second order change because we believe this leads to lasting and meaningful change.
Support Helps Us Change
We cannot change without support, whether this means therapeutic, familial, or friend support. The reason is because we heal in connection and community with others. Building community and support as we are moving through the change process also provides us with accountability during setbacks or periods of discouragement.
I invite you to look at your measures of accountability, whether this is a therapist or a loved one who knows about your desire to change or can come alongside you as you are making the efforts to make changes in your life. If you are in therapy, a great way to promote change is by sharing with your therapist and setting specific goals for change.
Setting Realistic Expectations
When we are working towards change, many individuals start by setting high expectations that are out of reach at the beginning of the change process. One helpful analogy to support change is by implementing SMART goals:
- Specific: Clearly define what you want to achieve, who is involved, and the resources you need to accomplish the goals
- Measurable: Set a way to measure progress
- Attainable: Make sure your goals are realistic and achievable
- Relevant: Consider how your goals align with your values, objectives, and capabilities
- Time-bound: Set a deadline for completion
I encourage you to explore attainable goals for yourself in an area of your life you are wanting to implement change around. Remember, there is no goal too small and each step towards change matters. Set specific goals and celebrate your wins. Ask yourself what you may have done differently to reach this goal? Get curious about what is difficult about change. Frequently re-evaluate what is and isn’t working in your change process. Lastly, I invite you to engage in this process with compassion and gentleness, as changing takes intention, time, patience, and accountability.
Additional Resources:
Setting Boundaries and Sticking With Them For Families: Created for parents, this evidenced-based guide will help you set and stick boundaries with your children. These tools will help parents model healthy communication, reduce resentment, and help model conflict-resolution skills. Get the guide here.
Anchored Counseling Company: If this topic resonates with you and you are looking for additional professional support, please contact us and would be happy to set you up with a therapist who can help you work towards your goals of any kind. You can reach out to us here.
Mindful Affirmation: “I can make changes in my life with compassion and patience”.
Becoming Anchored in Hope,
Laura
LPC-MHSP, CEDS-C, ACS, NCC
Owner + Director
Laura is committed to guiding individuals along their path to mental wellness and has carefully gathered a team of skilled, knowledgeable, and committed therapists at Anchored Counseling Co. to assist in this mission.
The professionals here create an environment that is supportive and affirmed, informed by an understanding of trauma. At Anchored Counseling Co., there’s a shared belief in the fundamental worth of each person, and therapy is delivered with warmth and empathy. The therapeutic philosophy here is built on the premise that every client has the natural ability to enact meaningful and enduring change in their life.
To connect with a therapist who aligns with your unique needs, please contact our office at 615.510.3797 or contact us here.
