There is no such thing as a perfect human being and this goes for therapists as well. Perfection is not attainable regardless of the profession we are in. This is why it is more important to have an authentic therapist versus a perfect one. It is often normal for people, when they are looking for a therapist, to find someone who seems “perfect” from the outside looking in. However, healing doesn’t happen because your therapist is perfect. It happens because your therapist is authentic, present, and able to connect with you in a meaningful way.
What an Authentic Therapist Looks Like
Authentic therapists recognize that they don’t need to be perfect to be effective. They show up with humility, curiosity, and a willingness to understand your experience. Rather than positioning themselves as the expert on your life, they work alongside you as a guide. With this being said, it is important to ask about your therapist’s experience treating the concerns you are bringing into therapy. It is also important for therapists to do their own work so that they recognize their own emotional reactions, assumptions, biases, and unresolved experiences. This awareness helps them put their own “stuff” to the side so they can fully track and be with you during the session.
Healing Happens In Relationships
Our relationships with ourselves and others are the vehicles towards change and considered the most important factor in terms of a client’s ability to move towards meaningful change. Healing occurs in the context of safe, trusting relationships. A therapist who has built a strong connection with you can help you see your strengths more clearly, gently challenge areas that need growth, and offer meaningful feedback that supports lasting change.
Another signal of an embodied, authentic therapist is your ability to speak up if they hurt your feelings and their ability to lean into repair with you. Even if you don’t have the experience of speaking up, your therapist may sense a shift in your body language and will hopefully check in with you about it.
Embodiment and Attunement
An authentic therapist will be embodied and attuned to you. If you are becoming dysregulated; talking through a concern, working on behavioral issues that you may have, or perhaps discussing a trauma in your past, your dysregulation can be met with regulation from a therapist.
Regulation does not mean being calm all the time, but rather your ability to get back in your window of tolerance. So, when a therapist sees you are hurting, crying, or carrying a lot of pain, hopefully their ability to attune to their own bodies allows them to lean in with you and allows them to communicate, not only with their posture, but with their language that they are with you in that experience. This is healing in and of itself.
An authentic therapist will be open to sharing that they do not have all the answers, has a posture of humility, and a willingness to engage in ongoing learning. Perhaps they talk about a new training they attended or have a worksheet they recently discovered. These are all beautiful markers of an authentic therapist. Their openness to learning often translates into a greater openness to understanding you. Instead of approaching sessions with assumptions, they remain curious about your unique experience and committed to supporting your growth with both skill and humility. You deserve to be seen, heard, and to feel safe in therapy.
Compassionate Affirmation: “I deserve support from someone who is genuine, compassionate, and present—not perfect.”
Additional Resource: Becoming Anchored S3E1: I’m New to Therapy…What Should I Expect? In this episode of Becoming Anchored, hosts and licensed therapists Lauren Jackson and Laura Deneen explore the experience of starting therapy, addressing common concerns and offering insights into what new clients can expect in their first sessions. It underscores that therapy is a space where clients are held with care, and that healing takes place within the safety of a trusting relationship. You can listen to the episode here.
Becoming Anchored in Hope,
LPC-MHSP, CEDS-C, ACS, NCC
Owner + Director
Laura is committed to guiding individuals along their path to mental wellness and has carefully gathered a team of skilled, knowledgeable, and committed therapists at Anchored Counseling Co. to assist in this mission.
The professionals here create an environment that is supportive and affirmed, informed by an understanding of trauma. At Anchored Counseling Co., there’s a shared belief in the fundamental worth of each person, and therapy is delivered with warmth and empathy. The therapeutic philosophy here is built on the premise that every client has the natural ability to enact meaningful and enduring change in their life.
To connect with a therapist who aligns with your unique needs, please contact our office at 615.510.3797 or contact us here.
