As we know, emotions may feel overwhelming or scary, especially if we have learned to avoid difficult emotions. There is no shame if you tend to avoid emotions for any reason. However, learning how to regulate our emotions is important. These benefits include the ability to make values-based decisions, experience more resiliency during difficult moments, and improve our overall mental health. Below are a few ways we can increase our emotion regulation.
So, why is emotion regulation important? Emotion regulation helps us notice, understand, and respond to our emotions without becoming overwhelmed by them or pushing them away. It allows us to make more intentional choices, care for our needs, and move through difficult moments with greater self-compassion.
Emotion regulation does not mean controlling every feeling or trying to stay calm all the time. Instead, it is the practice of recognizing emotions as information, allowing them to be present, and choosing supportive ways to respond.
Why is Emotion Regulation Important?
Emotion regulation is important because emotions influence the way we think, communicate, make decisions, care for ourselves, and relate to others. When emotions feel intense, confusing, or unsafe, we may avoid them, judge them, shut down, react quickly, or struggle to identify what we need.
By practicing emotion regulation, we can begin to build a more compassionate relationship with our internal world. This can support mental health by helping us pause before reacting, understand what our emotions may be communicating, and choose responses that align with our values.
Emotion regulation can also help us increase resilience during difficult moments. Rather than expecting ourselves to never feel sadness, anger, fear, grief, or anxiety, we can learn to notice these emotions and support ourselves through them.
Pay Attention To Your Internal Cues
Your internal world is full of helpful information. One way to work on emotion regulation is by paying attention to your body. Emotions often manifest physically before we are able to identify them on a cognitive level. By tuning into these physical sensations, you can start to understand your emotions better.
For example, you may notice you feel a weight in your shoulders or you are experiencing brain fog. This may indicate you are feeling sad. Once you identify the physical sensation and emotion, you have the opportunity to attend to your needs. If you are feeling sad, maybe you need a hug or you need to let yourself cry.
By beginning to be more in tune with yourself, you can connect with your emotions on a deeper level. Another helpful question to ask yourself to help you with emotion regulation is, “Where do I feel (insert emotion?)” This connection allows you to understand your emotions, body, and internal world better to address these emotions and meet your needs.
This is one reason emotion regulation is important: it helps us connect physical sensations, emotions, and needs. A tight chest, heaviness in the body, stomach discomfort, fatigue, restlessness, or brain fog may all be cues worth approaching with curiosity rather than judgment.
Resist Judging Your Emotions
One common narrative is the story: “I should not feel this way,” or “It is silly to feel sad about this.” We often judge ourselves for feeling certain emotions. When you judge your emotions, you may hinder the full emotional experience and prevent your emotions from running their course.
I encourage you to explore where you may have learned to judge your emotions, whether it was from your family, friends, culture, or society. You may have learned to judge them because it was how you felt safe in your family if they also judged or did not talk about their emotions. Practice resisting the urge to judge your emotions and allow them to be present as needed. Your emotions are simply messengers indicating something is happening internally for you.
When we stop judging emotions as “good” or “bad,” we create more room to understand them. This can help us respond to sadness, anger, fear, shame, grief, anxiety, or disappointment with compassion instead of criticism.
Cope Ahead
One of my favorite emotion regulation skills, from Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), is called “Cope Ahead”. It helps you consider how you may be prepared in some way ahead of time to reduce your overall stress. You can use this skill by following these steps:
- Describe the situation that is likely to prompt uncomfortable emotions and the emotions that may interfere with your coping skills.
- Decide what skills you would like to use during this situation.
- Imagine the situation and practice rehearsing the skill (ie: if you are doing a job interview, perhaps you may use deep breathing to cope with your anxiety).
Emotional regulation isn’t about learning how to avoid feeling emotions; it’s about setting appropriate expectations for yourself. Understand that it’s normal to have a wide range of emotions as humans. Some of us may have trauma histories or heightened sensitivity to our emotional states, but the goal is not to be emotionally regulated all the time.
Cope Ahead can be helpful because it gives you a way to prepare for moments that may feel emotionally activating. Instead of expecting yourself to handle a difficult situation perfectly in the moment, you can practice identifying what may come up and what support or skills you may need.
Benefits of Emotion Regulation
Emotion regulation can support mental health and personal growth in several ways, including:
Helping you identify emotions and needs more clearly
Supporting values-based decisions during stressful moments
Increasing resilience when life feels difficult or uncertain
Reducing shame around having strong emotions
Helping you respond rather than react automatically
Supporting healthier communication in relationships
Making space for self-compassion when emotions feel overwhelming
Helping you recognize physical cues connected to emotions
Supporting coping skills for anxiety, sadness, anger, grief, stress, and other difficult emotions
Emotion regulation is not about removing emotional discomfort from life. It is about learning how to move through emotions with more awareness, compassion, and support.
Instead, ask yourself what you may need and accept that emotions are a natural part of life. I believe in you.
Compassionate Affirmation: “My emotions are a gift and I allow them to be present freely.”
Additional Resource: Self Care Is For Everyone – This page highlights all aspects of mental health. It has positive reminders about self care and mental health resources. You can explore the page here.
Becoming Anchored in Hope,
Laura
LPC-MHSP, CEDS-C, ACS, NCC
Owner + Director
Laura is committed to guiding individuals along their path to mental wellness and has carefully gathered a team of skilled, knowledgeable, and committed therapists at Anchored Counseling Co. to assist in this mission.
The professionals here create an environment that is supportive and affirmed, informed by an understanding of trauma. At Anchored Counseling Co., there’s a shared belief in the fundamental worth of each person, and therapy is delivered with warmth and empathy. The therapeutic philosophy here is built on the premise that every client has the natural ability to enact meaningful and enduring change in their life.
To connect with a therapist who aligns with your unique needs, please contact our office at 615.510.3797 or contact us here.
