We, as humans, experience a wide array of various emotions each day and week. Emotions may be present as happiness, sadness, anger, jealousy, fear, or gratitude. With each emotion we feel, we may have different reactions. When you first hear the word, “emotion”, what comes to mind?
You may believe emotions are good or bad. It is important to explore your initial reaction to discussing emotions, as it provides you with helpful insight and awareness to begin your journey of having emotional experiences. There is no shame if you may have dismissed or rejected your emotions in the past. I am here to share ways to be more connected to your emotions.
Belief About Emotions
The first step in exploring your relationship with your emotions is to explore where these beliefs may have come from. It is helpful to think back to your childhood or upbringing. You may not have been given permission to see your emotions differently than how you were taught. Perhaps you may have grown up in a family where emotions were not discussed or you were dismissed when you talked about them so you learned emotions are unimportant.
So, I encourage you to use this time to explore. What do you believe about your emotions and where did these beliefs come from? You can hold a variety of beliefs around your emotions, and oftentimes these beliefs no longer serve you. There are rich benefits that come from learning about your emotions and learning how to express them in healthy ways.
Emotions Give Us Information
I often tell my clients that emotions are not the bad guy. They give us insightful information about our internal and external world. This could be about the world around us or our interpersonal relationships. Each emotion is a gift and it is trying to communicate something to us.
Emotions such as fear give us an internal cue that perhaps we are in danger. For example, perhaps you are not a strong swimmer and you are in deep waters. Fear is helpful because it cautions you to stay safe and swim towards shallow waters. I invite you to treat your emotions as if they are carriers of information. Emotions point us to what we need. That need may be connection, acceptance, belonging, love, a boundary, or a conversation with a loved one, to name a few.
The Difference Between Emotions and Behaviors
I often notice that people confuse emotions with behaviors. We can blame the emotion when, in reality, it is the behavior that is causing the issue.
An example of this may be if I yell at my spouse because I am angry, this pattern of behavior can become problematic. An alternative, healthier response, would be to notice the anger you are feeling, such as, do you notice the physical sensations or what may have triggered the anger in you in the first place? Then take a few minutes away from the situation to regulate yourself. You could try taking some deep breaths, going on a quick walk, or journaling about what you are feeling. Then ask yourself what your anger may be communicating to you and then move through the conversation in a more connected and regulated way.
My challenge to you is to learn how to separate the emotion from your behavior. This can be difficult to do, but remember, our emotions are present in order to give us information. Once we learn what they are telling us, we then can have choicefulness and agency around what we do with them.
Emotions are helpful parts of ourselves. When we can learn to recognize our emotions and process/express them in a healthy way, we can live a life that is values aligned and our behaviors from our emotions can be more aligned as well.
Additional Resource: The EQ School – Genny Rumancik is an educator who provides insightful tools for regulating emotions and developing skills for emotion regulation. You can check out her page here.
Compassionate Affirmation: “My emotions are welcome here and they provide me with helpful insight on how to navigate the world.”
Becoming Anchored in Hope,
Laura
LPC-MHSP, CEDS-C, ACS, NCC
Owner + Director
Laura is committed to guiding individuals along their path to mental wellness and has carefully gathered a team of skilled, knowledgeable, and committed therapists at Anchored Counseling Co. to assist in this mission.
The professionals here create an environment that is supportive and affirmed, informed by an understanding of trauma. At Anchored Counseling Co., there’s a shared belief in the fundamental worth of each person, and therapy is delivered with warmth and empathy. The therapeutic philosophy here is built on the premise that every client has the natural ability to enact meaningful and enduring change in their life.
To connect with a therapist who aligns with your unique needs, please contact our office at 615.510.3797 or contact us here.
