Radical Acceptance is a skill from Dialectical Behavioral Therapy developed by the lovely Marsha Lindham. If you are not familiar with her, Marsha has diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder. There is a lot of stigma around this diagnosis, and there is no shame if you believe you have this or have been diagnosed with it.
Marsha is a beautiful example of what hope and healing can look like. She developed this therapy out of a place of true suffering and recognized she needed skills to not only help herself but also others.
What is Radical Acceptance?
It is the idea that we accept the painful things that come our way. It does not mean we have to love these things or want them in our lives, but it is almost an allowance to accept the present, even when it is difficult.
An example that I often give in the therapeutic space is thinking about the rain. Some people love the rain and others do not. Most people love when the sun is shining as it means we can go outside, play in the park with our loved ones, or take a walk. However, it is important to think about what comes to mind when it rains. Sometimes, traffic can be worse or I will get a headache when it rains due to the drop in the barometric pressure, and I start to notice myself getting frustrated.
However, I cannot do anything about the rain. This is where radical acceptance comes in; I can either struggle against the rain and be irritated about it the entire day, or I can say, “Yes, it is raining”, and continue to move on. Radical acceptance is a surrender on my behalf to release things I cannot control.
Finding Peace in Our Experiences
There are a lot of things that are outside of our control in our lives, whether it is the weather or other people’s behaviors. Radical acceptance says to surrender this, and we do not have to struggle against these things as much as we have been in the past or present.
Now, I invite you to look at what is in your control, and what you do have agency and empowerment over. We can have control and invite more peace into our lives by practicing radical acceptance, as it is a surrender to our struggles. It is not meant to invalidate our emotional experiences, but rather it allows us to show up in a present focused way with our loved ones, and even open up an opportunity for gratitude.
It snowed in Nashville last month, and when the snow was melting, we took my daughter out in the driveway and she was stomping in her snow boots in the puddles. So, yes, while I do not love the fact that the snow is melting, it is also an opportunity for me to practice gratitude and notice the joy that it brings her by playing in the water.
My invitation to you is to practice surrendering in your life, and use challenging moments as an opportunity to release in order to find peace and joy.
Additional Resources:
DBT South Jersey – DBT South Jersey is a counseling center that gives evidence-based and helpful tools to practice DBT skills such as radical acceptance. You can find more education and information here.
Creating Empathy and Culture of Kindness Guide: This comprehensive and evidence-based guide provides you with tools to nourish empathy and kindness in your children. This guide helps you model kindness, set boundaries, and practice co-regulation techniques at home. You can get this guide here.
Affirmation of the Day: “I can learn to accept the waves of life as they come and go.“
Becoming Anchored in Hope,
Laura
LPC-MHSP, CEDS-C, ACS, NCC
Owner + Director
Laura is committed to guiding individuals along their path to mental wellness and has carefully gathered a team of skilled, knowledgeable, and committed therapists at Anchored Counseling Co. to assist in this mission.
The professionals here create an environment that is supportive and affirmed, informed by an understanding of trauma. At Anchored Counseling Co., there’s a shared belief in the fundamental worth of each person, and therapy is delivered with warmth and empathy. The therapeutic philosophy here is built on the premise that every client has the natural ability to enact meaningful and enduring change in their life.
To connect with a therapist who aligns with your unique needs, please contact our office at 615.510.3797 or contact us here.
