Today we have a blog post from one of our Master’s level interns, Hannah Wise, about navigating boundaries with family. Hannah feels a drive to help others reconnect with themselves and their bodies through mutual empathy, authenticity, and vulnerability.
She values the therapeutic relationship and sees it as a vehicle to deliver connection and healing. By creating a collaborative environment with clients, Hannah prioritizes safety in the room with clients and establishes a safe environment that creates space for recovery and realignment.
Hannah believes that all bodies are beautiful and worthy, and they should be used as a source of empowerment. By reconnecting and honoring their bodies, clients can pull from internal strengths and skills to tackle the daily challenges and trials of everyday life. Hannah is honored and excited to walk along this journey of reconnection and healing with her clients.
Navigating Boundaries with Family
Family relationships can bring a lot of joy, but they also come with unique challenges, especially when it comes to setting boundaries. Sometimes, family members may push our limits or disregard our needs either unintentionally or out of habit.
Learning to establish and maintain boundaries is essential for fostering healthier familial relationships because they create space for mutual respect and ensure emotional well-being.
If you find setting boundaries with family challenging, you’re not alone. Boundaries are hard to set because they break typical patterns that we are used to navigating within, which can be difficult for the person on the receiving end to accept. However, it’s important to remember that boundaries help relationships continue and prosper rather than extinguish them.
I hope these tips give you some confidence in setting boundaries with your family members, especially with the upcoming holiday season.
Do a Need Analysis
A needs analysis is an approach to identifying gaps or pain points in your current relationships in order to understand which of your needs are not getting met. Having knowledge around what you need in your relationships will give you parameters for what boundaries need to be set and why.
Examples of needs in a relationship include emotional and practical support, strong lines of communication, autonomy, and growth. Feel free to pull from this list or add to it when investigating which of your needs aren’t getting met in your familial relationships.
Once you understand what your needs are, you can determine what boundaries need to be in place to have them met.
Build the Boundary
Now that you know which needs aren’t getting met in your relationships, you know what kind of boundary you need to set.
For example, if you have a need for autonomy in your relationship with your sister, you may need to create a physical or time related boundary where you put limitations on how much availability you set aside for her. Or, if you have a communication boundary, you may need to express what topics are okay to discuss with you and which are off limits.
This is something that you should do alone so that you feel confident and sure of yourself when you communicate the boundary to the receiving party. Feel free to journal about it or set some time to mindfully process your needs while you go for a walk outside.
While it may feel helpful to ask friends or others for advice about what boundaries to set, it’s most important that the boundary works and feels authentic to you because it’s ultimately your relationship.
Communicate the Boundary in a Clear, Honest, and Kind Way
I know what you’re thinking: How can I possibly tell my family member what my boundary is? What if they are off put by my boundary setting?
I want to remind you that boundaries are difficult because they break relational patterns; however, although boundaries can be difficult to set and maintain, they actually preserve and prolong our relationships rather than ruin them.
Boundaries are the most effective when they are delivered in a clear, honest, and kind way. This means be direct, have the conversation in private, and focus on your needs without blame.
For example, to build off the previous example, you could say to your sister who asks for too much of your time “I need to limit the number of times we talk on the phone at night so I can unwind” rather than “you call me way too much.” The former will be received much better because it removes blame, and it asserts your needs clearly and honestly.
Stay Consistent
My last tip is to hold the boundary even when it’s hard. When we let go of the boundary or make exceptions to the boundary, the relationship can quickly go back to the way it was.
I want to encourage you to gently remind your loved one of your boundaries when they break them rather than following their lead. Remember, you are preserving and prolonging the relationship by doing the hard task of creating and maintaining your boundaries.
Thank you so much for taking the time to learn about boundaries and formulating your own. If you would like to learn more about boundaries and how to set and maintain them, I recommend listening to the We Can Do Hard Things podcast. They are a great resource for having conversations that are hard and uncommon in our day to day lives.
Finally, here is an affirmation to carry with you: “The fact that you are trying is proof that you are strong.”
You got this!
Hannah Wise
We hope you found Hannah’s insights on setting boundaries with your family helpful. If her message resonated with you, this could be the perfect time to take meaningful steps towards your healing and peace. To initiate your work with Hannah, please feel free to call our office at 615.510.3797 or click here to learn more.
