There are many challenges we may face when we have a loved one who is in recovery from an eating disorder. We may have different responses when we face the varying symptoms of an eating disorder. The New Maudsley Model focuses on ways we may cope as caregivers and it allows us to get curious when we encounter pain of any kind while also providing some levity to oftentimes tricky, nuances, and difficult conversations around recovery.
The New Maudsley Model
This model walks through various coping styles and how we may respond to stress or our natural automatic responses as caregivers. It identifies our coping styles through various animals which highlights where we go when we are in our own pain or witnessing someone else’s pain. These animals describe the typical responses, such as becoming logical or overly emotional or avoidant. By exploring your animal caregiver style, you can develop better insight and awareness around your responses and learn to respond in a healthy way.
The Animal Caregiver Styles
The Jellyfish (too much emotion and too little control) carer has difficulty regulating their own emotions and emotional response to the eating disorder. Heightened responses, anger, sadness, etc., may lead to more distress in the home. The Ostrich (avoidance of emotion) sticks their head in the sand and avoids the situation but this may come off as uncaring or unloving towards the person with an eating disorder.
The Kangaroo (trying to make everything right) tries to protect all areas of the loved one’s life and tries to avoid them feeling any distress. This does not work as the loved one fails to learn and master any of life’s challenges. The Terrier (uses persistence) tries to nag and wear out the eating disorder but this often leads to the loved one perceiving it as criticism.
The Inspirational Animal Caregiving Styles
The goal animals are The Dolphin and the St. Bernard. The Dolphin shows just enough caring and control; they nudge the loved one gently along their path to recovery. They will swim ahead to lead the way, swim beside to encourage, and swim behind to encourage trust and confidence. The St. Bernard shows compassion and consistency. They instill hope that their loved one can change and the St. Bernard responds with consistency and being dependable.
What Is Your Style of Coping?
All of these animals are essentially analogies for coping styles when we see pain in ourselves and our loved ones. I encourage you to be curious about where your coping style developed.
How old were you when it developed? Perhaps you have an early memory around when you began using this style of coping. It is helpful to gain insight first and then I invite you to explore how you would like to respond to others’ pain instead. Also, there is no shame when exploring your style. It is normal to respond to pain in all of the ways listed above, but this exercise is to help you learn how you want to respond differently.
For example, I would like to be a steady presence, where I would like to have more compassion versus immediately trying to fix the situation. Perhaps you relate to the Terrier and you aspire to be more like the St. Bernard. Explore ways in which you can implement more compassion towards your loved one.
This is not about making these huge jumps and leaps to be different. It’s more about small shifts towards change over time with compassion for ourselves and our loved ones. You are doing a great job caring for your loved one with an eating disorder and it is a difficult path at times. But you are not alone and I see you as you are learning how to respond differently and in a more compassionate way.
Compassionate Affirmation: “I am doing the best that I can to support my loved one.”
Additional Resources:
The Maudsley Approach Animal Analogies Caregiving Styles – Here are the different caregiving styles to reference back to when supporting your loved one in their eating disorder recovery. You can read about the styles here.
Becoming Anchored S1E6: Supporting Families Through Eating Disorder Recovery – Host Laura Deneen is joined by guest, Katherine Fowler, a dietitian in the Nashville area. Together, they explore the intricacies of supporting families who have a loved one going through eating disorder recovery. This episode delves deep into the professional and personal aspects of eating disorder treatment, highlighting the importance of a multidisciplinary approach that includes dietitians, therapists, and medical professionals. You can listen to the episode here.
Becoming Anchored in Hope,
LPC-MHSP, CEDS-C, ACS, NCC
Owner + Director
Laura is committed to guiding individuals along their path to mental wellness and has carefully gathered a team of skilled, knowledgeable, and committed therapists at Anchored Counseling Co. to assist in this mission.
The professionals here create an environment that is supportive and affirmed, informed by an understanding of trauma. At Anchored Counseling Co., there’s a shared belief in the fundamental worth of each person, and therapy is delivered with warmth and empathy. The therapeutic philosophy here is built on the premise that every client has the natural ability to enact meaningful and enduring change in their life.
To connect with a therapist who aligns with your unique needs, please contact our office at 615.510.3797 or contact us here.
