Boundaries help us protect our peace and support us in experiencing safety in our relationships with others. A helpful way to think about boundaries is where we end and others begin.
At Anchored Counseling Co., we believe that boundaries support us in living in accordance with our values, help us authentically connect with ourselves, and allow our relationships with others to thrive.
Especially during the holiday season with family and friends, boundaries become an important topic of conversation. My hope is that by exploring how to set boundaries, you won’t enter into the new year feeling burned out, overcommitted, and undernourished.
Mindful Ways to Communicate Your Boundaries
A wonderful way to set boundaries is using the OFNR method, which stands for: Observation, Feelings, Needs, and Requests. Friend, I would also gently encourage you to lean into assertive communication by using I statements, rather than you statements.
Here are some examples of how using OFNR and I statements might play out…
If a family member invites you to do something but you don’t have the capacity to see this person:
- Observation; Hey, I noticed you invited me to this social gathering.
- Feeling: I’m feeling tired.
- Need: I need a night on my own.
- Request: Please respect my personal time.
If you begin to experience diet culture and someone comments on your body:
- Observation: Hey, I noticed that you are commenting on my body.
- Feeling: I feel angry, sad, ashamed.
- Need: I really need those comments to stop.
- Request: Please don’t comment on my body, as I’m working on healing my body image.
If your workload is more than you have capacity for during this busy holiday time:
- Observation: Hey, I noticed that you have given me more assignments.
- Feeling: I am feeling overwhelmed with my workload.
- Need: I need some help please.
- Request: Can you provide me with some assistance?
Compassionate Reminders for Boundaries
Remember, effective boundaries take a bit of mindfulness, intention, introspection, and checking in.
Remember, boundaries aren’t meant to be cruel or weaponized. Rather, they are meant to keep us safe and supported.
Remember, boundaries can be fluid, meaning that they can change over time. Consistently checking in with ourselves around our boundaries is healthy and important. Get curious about what is and isn’t working for you in this season of life.
Gentle Guidance Before You Move Forward
Before you move forward, think about what you’d like your holiday season to look like. This will help inform what boundaries you may need to set.
Here are some questions to ask yourself to promote mindfulness and value-based decisions…
- What is the maximum amount of social gatherings I have capacity for this holiday season?
- How can I be more intentional about pausing before saying yes?
- Who fills my cup?
- Who do I want and need to spend time around?
These introspective questions can help you discern what boundaries you’d like to implement during the holiday season. I encourage you to answer these questions from a place of curiosity and compassion.
Friend, whatever you decide is okay. It’s a beautiful thing to start setting boundaries. My hope for you is that setting boundaries can help you lead a more fulfilling and enriching life.
Additional Resources:
Setting Boundaries Over the Holidays-Drama Free by Nedra Tewwab
- Set Boundaries, Find Peace
- There is also a workbook versions available too!
Mindful Affirmation:
I honor my boundaries during this season of life.
Becoming Anchored in Hope,
Laura
LPC-MHSP, CEDS-C, ACS, NCC
Owner + Director
Laura is committed to guiding individuals along their path to mental wellness and has carefully gathered a team of skilled, knowledgeable, and committed therapists at Anchored Counseling Co. to assist in this mission.
The professionals here create an environment that is supportive and affirmed, informed by an understanding of trauma. At Anchored Counseling Co., there’s a shared belief in the fundamental worth of each person, and therapy is delivered with warmth and empathy. The therapeutic philosophy here is built on the premise that every client has the natural ability to enact meaningful and enduring change in their life.
To connect with a therapist who aligns with your unique needs, please contact our office at 615.510.3797 or contact us here.
