Today we have a blog post from one of our Master’s level interns, Grace Clibourn, about communication. Grace finds it a great honor to walk alongside those who are experiencing hardship.
Her counseling approach is rooted in the sense of hopefulness, and therapy with her feels light, compassionate, and empowering. Understanding that life can be unpredictable; Grace creates an environment that is free of shame and built on a sense of peace.
She believes each person holds within themselves the ability to live a life full of meaning and purpose, no matter the symptoms they may be experiencing today. Grace believes that everyone deserves to have a place to let it out in the presence of someone who is safe, genuine, and caring.
Communication is one of the core components of healthy relationships. Although it is a crucial element of friendship, family unity, and romantic relationships, it may often feel confusing or complicated. Communication may feel complicated for a few reasons. One reason is because we do not have clarity on our own thoughts and emotions. Another reason communication may feel complicated is because we are unsure how to approach the conversation or how the other person will respond.
Healthy communication and confrontation skills are more than our ability to share our thoughts or set our boundaries, it is also a contributing factor in creating stable and healthy relationships. It may feel difficult to have hard conversations, but a positive outcome from it is the deepening of our relationships. When we learn how to share our thoughts and feelings in a way that is received well, we build trust!
Gaining Clarity On Your Own Thoughts and Feelings
Here are some helpful ways to gain clarity about your own thoughts and feelings about a situation where communication may be needed:
- Journal – This may seem simplistic, but writing out our thoughts and feelings on a situation allows us to observe them from the outside and gain a different, and maybe even more accurate perspective.
- Talk To a Trusted Person – Talking to a close, trusted person may be helpful. Be mindful of the temptation to co-ruminate, i.e. obsessing over negative emotions together without coming to a helpful conclusion. If you are going to share with someone, be clear that you are doing this to gain clarity on the situation.
As mentioned above, there is a difference between rumination and problem solving. Rumination is composed of repetitive and cyclical thoughts that never lends itself to a helpful conclusion. So, what do we do instead? We problem solve! We find ways to take action and focus on those.
Tips For Approaching a Conversation
Here are a few ways to take action. When having a conversation, I encourage you to keep the focus on you and your experience. Share the feelings that you are experiencing and tell the other person why the conflict has produced this feeling in you. For example: “I felt sad when you said that you were not coming to my birthday party”, or, “I felt frustrated when I noticed that you did not do the dishes when you said you would.”
One of the most important parts of having these difficult conversations is repairing. What would it look like for trust to be restored in the relationship? For example, when you feel frustrated about the dishes, do you need to ask for better communication on their end, i.e. to give you a heads up if they are not able to do the dishes that day? Take time to think about the way you want this conversation to end and the way you desire for your relationship to look like with the other person.
By keeping the focus on your emotions, thoughts, and needs helps you from accusing or placing blame. If the goal is to communicate well so that you have a healthier relationship with the other person, I encourage you to keep the other person in mind and make space for their thoughts and emotions. You will not have control over how the other person hears you or responds to what you have to say, but you do have control over what you say, how you say it, and your ability to advocate for what you need moving forward.
Affirmation: “I do not have control over how this person will respond, but I do have control over what I say, how I say it. I am capable of advocating for what I need.”
Resource (Communication in relationships): Handle CONFLICT like a PRO : Gottman’s Secrets to Happy Relationships
You Got This!
Grace
We hope you found Grace’s insights on healthy conflict helpful. If her message resonated with you, this could be the perfect time to take meaningful steps towards your healing and peace. To initiate your work with Grace, please feel free to call our office at 615.510.3797 or click here to learn more.
