Many of us carry an internal voice that is quick to judge, criticize, and point out our perceived flaws. This voice—often called the inner critic—can shape how we see ourselves, our bodies, our relationships, and our worth. It often leads to us feeling inadequate and may increase our symptoms of depression and anxiety. When we are able to recognize the presence of our inner critic and meet it with compassion, we have the opportunity to develop a healthier relationship with ourselves.
Exploring The Origins of Your Inner Critic
There may be many reasons why your inner critic is present. I invite you to explore where your inner critic developed. Perhaps it came from a parental figure who was often critical of you when you were younger or you have experienced many situations where unrealistic expectations were placed on you, such as in school or sports. You also may have experienced negative comments towards your body that have led you to be critical of yourself.
It is important to recognize that your inner critic may have developed as a protective factor. The criticism may be a way of serving as motivation or trying to prevent future harm by preparing yourself for potential failures or rejection. These parts of us develop in order to protect us and keep us safe; however, we begin to recognize they no longer serve us well. I want you to know there is hope in your ability to cultivate a different way of speaking to yourself.
Recognizing Your Inner Critic
I want you to begin to notice all parts of your inner critic. What does it sound like, such as the tone of its voice or perhaps you may notice it reminds you of someone in your life. What is it saying to you when it is critical? Are there certain situations that trigger this voice to be present?
You may not be able to recognize it at first but I encourage you to spend time understanding and recognizing it as this will help you be able to gently address and challenge it in the future.
Identifying Triggers
Now, I invite you to notice when your inner critic is present. Are there certain situations or people where it is louder? Perhaps you may notice it at work or in a school setting. Common triggers are comparison; you may notice you compare your appearance, relationships, or accomplishments. Another trigger could be perfectionism. You may notice you are harsh with yourself when you make a mistake or you set unrealistic expectations for yourself and do not meet them.
Challenging Your Inner Critic
There are many ways to help address and shift the way you respond when your inner critic shows up. You can use self-compassion and talk to it as if you were talking to a friend. If your friend were being harsh with themselves, you may use gentle and encouraging words. When you are going through a challenging experience and your initial instinct is to be critical of yourself, you can instead remind yourself to treat yourself the way you may treat a loved one or a young child. Another way to challenge your inner critic is by practicing cognitive flexibility. When your inner critic says, “You are not good enough,” try reframing the phrase by saying, “I am trying my best.” This takes time and practice but I encourage you to try these skills in order to address and gently challenge your inner critic. I invite you to offer yourself compassion this week and find ways to let go of the critical voice you use with yourself.
Compassionate Affirmation: “I deserve the same kindness and compassion that I offer to others.”
Resource: Becoming Anchored S5E1: Self-Compassion For Your Inner Critic – In this episode of Becoming Anchored, licensed therapist Laura Deneen is joined by fellow licensed therapist Megan Chase. This episode is full of insights on ways to practice self-compassion, providing helpful tips to navigate when your inner critic is present. You can listen to the episode here.
Becoming Anchored in Hope,
LPC-MHSP, CEDS-C, ACS, NCC
Owner + Director
Laura is committed to guiding individuals along their path to mental wellness and has carefully gathered a team of skilled, knowledgeable, and committed therapists at Anchored Counseling Co. to assist in this mission.
The professionals here create an environment that is supportive and affirmed, informed by an understanding of trauma. At Anchored Counseling Co., there’s a shared belief in the fundamental worth of each person, and therapy is delivered with warmth and empathy. The therapeutic philosophy here is built on the premise that every client has the natural ability to enact meaningful and enduring change in their life.
To connect with a therapist who aligns with your unique needs, please contact our office at 615.510.3797 or contact us here.
