Today we have a blog post from one of our Master’s level interns, Katelyn Ramsay, about managing trauma triggers. Katelyn has a passion for helping others and desires for her clients to feel seen, safe, heard, and understood.
Her counseling approach relies on the practice of and use of compassion, growth, support, and empowerment with oneself and one’s relationships. Holding a strong belief that everyone’s journey is unique; Katelyn values the power of the therapeutic relationship. She believes wholeheartedly that all people have potential for growth.
She believes all people and bodies are worthy and valuable. Katelyn feels honored to walk alongside her clients on this journey, not only to heal but also to discover a deeper sense of purpose and self-worth.
From People Pleasing to Empowered
If you have ever found yourself saying “yes” when you wanted to say “no,” giving more than you have to give, or staying in one-sided relationships, you are not alone. Many people pleasers struggle to speak up for themselves, set healthy boundaries, and walk away from toxic dynamics. You may overextend yourself to be liked by others or to keep the peace, sometimes without even realizing it.
People-pleasing may originate from deep patterns established by childhood experiences, cultural expectations, gender norms, or living alongside addiction. For some, it is the “fawn” trauma response, where pleasing others helps avoid conflict or harm. For others, it is influenced by authoritarian or permissive parenting styles, where love or approval feels conditional. The good news is that you can unlearn these patterns. I invite you to explore the following three steps toward reclaiming your voice and power.
Learn to Sit with Your Feelings Instead of Avoiding Them
As a people pleaser, you may over-focus on the emotions of others as a way to avoid facing your own. This may lead you to participate in distracting activities such as staying excessively busy, overworking, numbing through substances, or constant socializing. To learn how to sit with your feelings, I encourage you to:
- Sit With Your Emotions: First, set a timer for two or three minutes. Sit in a comfortable position, breathe deeply, and notice what emotions are present. The intention is not to change the emotion but to increase your capacity to stay with it.
- Offer a Loving Reminder: Use phrases such as, “This is hard, but I am resilient.” This may help soothe anxiety, fear, or sadness.
- Physically Self-Soothe: Place a hand on your racing heart, run your hands over your arms, and take deep breaths. After sitting with intense emotions, it can also be helpful to release any additional energy through movement such as stretching, running, or walking.
- Express It: Journal your thoughts, speak with a trusted friend, or voice your feelings to a therapist. Expressing a complex emotion offers us a release valve and often decreases the intensity of the experience.
Identify and Honor Your Needs
For many people-pleasers, the idea that prioritizing their own needs is selfish. You may tend to ignore your needs that are not acute or life-threatening. However, it is essential to believe that you are worthy of not just survival, but of living a full life. Consider the following categories as different ways to meet your needs:
- Physical: sleep, food, clear air, and water
- Interpersonal: belonging, love, community
- Independence: autonomy, self-worth, the freedom to matter
- Meaning-based: purpose, creativity, peace, balance
Perhaps you may begin by asking yourself: “What do I need right now?” Then take one intentional step toward meeting that need. This could be going to bed thirty minutes earlier, arranging a coffee date with a friend, spending an afternoon doing something you love, or starting a new creative project.
Redefine Your Self-Concept
Your self-concept is your sense of identity. It is how you feel about yourself, what you believe you are capable of, and what you think you deserve. Your self-concept matters because it may change your behavior. For example, if you think you are unlovable, you may act in ways that reflect your own perceived unlovability. Furthermore, your self-concept acts as the lens through which you see the world. If you believe you are unlovable, you will interpret breakups as evidence of your unlovableness or dismiss genuine interests from others as “too good to be true.”
Developing a more positive self-concept may improve your relationship with yourself, broaden the actions available to you, and provide a more self-loving perspective through which to view the world.
A resource I recommend is “Stop People Pleasing and Find Your Power” by Hailey Magee. This insightful guide provides both a compassionate understanding of why people-pleasing develops and practical tools to help you embrace your authentic self. Whether you are just beginning to recognize these patterns in yourself or have been working to change them for some time, this book may serve as a steady companion on your path toward greater self-trust, confidence, and freedom in your relationships.
An affirmation I want to leave you with: “I am worthy of love, respect, and care exactly as I am. I do not need to earn my value through overgiving or self-sacrifice. My needs, feelings, and boundaries matter, and honoring them allows me to live with authenticity and strength.”
Cheering you on!
Katelyn Ramsay
We hope you found Katelyn’s insights on people pleasing helpful. If her message resonated with you, this could be the perfect time to take meaningful steps towards your healing and peace. To initiate your work with Katelyn, please feel free to call our office at 615.510.3797 or click here to learn more.
