It is easy to fall into the trap of perfectionism. Our society puts a strong emphasis on success, while it looks down upon failure of any form. Today, we explore how being perfect can lead to a negative and paralyzing pursuit of unattainable standards. It can also be rooted in the idea that perfectionism provides us a way to avoid criticism and find safety and belonging.
Understanding The Root Of Perfectionism
Perfectionism is a personality trait and can originate from our upbringings, family, and societal factors. In our understanding of nurture vs. nature, if your family or culture held extremely high standards or were overly critical of you, this may exacerbate symptoms of perfectionism. Parents or caregivers can unintentionally place emphasis on their child being flawless, which can lead a child to believe they need to achieve flawlessness to gain love and acceptance.
The Consequences of Perfectionism
When we hold ourselves to high standards or are critical of ourselves when we make mistakes, we are opening ourselves up to shame and disappointment. Further, perfectionism often disrupts us from engaging in personal growth or our ability to have healthy, authentic relationships.
Perfectionism can lead us to believing we are only worthy of love, acceptance, and belonging if we are without flaws. It can also create a cycle of self-punishment and stress by preventing us from getting important needs met, like rest, play, and connection met in a consistent and loving way.
Tools To Manage Perfectionism
- Accepting Mistakes as Learning Opportunities: We are human, so this means we are going to make mistakes. I invite you to give yourself the freedom to understand that errors are inevitable and we can use them as a way to foster personal growth.
- Set Healthy Boundaries: By having boundaries, it allows you to manage your time and energy without overextending yourself. You can break free from the cycle that tells you that you need to achieve more in order to be perfect.
- Practice Self-Compassion: Kristin Neff teaches us that self-compassion leads to reducing your critical voice that fuels the perfectionistic cycle. She teaches us to treat ourselves with the same kindness and compassion we would use with our loved ones.
By shifting our perspective from perfectionism to excellence, we can still achieve the goals and dreams we desire in life, but now with authenticity instead of criticism. Moving through perfectionism is not about lowering your standards but about redefining success in a more human and healthy way.
Additional Resource:
Dr. Kristin Neff – Dr. Kristin Neff is a self-compassion pioneer. She has done extensive research on the benefits of self-compassion including experiencing less shame, focus on personal growth, and experience overall more happiness and improved mental health. You can check out her page here.
Affirmation of the Day: “I am allowed to make mistakes and they are a new opportunity for growth”.
Becoming Anchored in Hope,
Laura
LPC-MHSP, CEDS-C, ACS, NCC
Owner + Director
Laura is committed to guiding individuals along their path to mental wellness and has carefully gathered a team of skilled, knowledgeable, and committed therapists at Anchored Counseling Co. to assist in this mission.
The professionals here create an environment that is supportive and affirmed, informed by an understanding of trauma. At Anchored Counseling Co., there’s a shared belief in the fundamental worth of each person, and therapy is delivered with warmth and empathy. The therapeutic philosophy here is built on the premise that every client has the natural ability to enact meaningful and enduring change in their life.
To connect with a therapist who aligns with your unique needs, please contact our office at 615.510.3797 or contact us here.
